One Man Up Front – Ch5

Our last bank of eastbound flights to the central time zone left around eight-thirty in the evening.  I always enjoyed working this bank of flights because it was the end of the day, most people on the flights were going home, and there wasn’t the stress level of having to be somewhere on time. We’d dim the cabin lights, passengers would read or doze off, and there was always time to look out the window at the dots of light that comprised the towns and cities below. There were no screens then, no seat back entrainment systems. No handheld screens. Just a quiet solace as we flew east into the night.

It was the last flight out to Kansas City. There was one man in first class and once airborne I served him dinner then went back to help in coach.  After he’d finished dinner I put things away, served him a cup of coffee and then sat down across the aisle from him, leaned across and chatted him up.  Small talk. 

He was an awkward looking man but still handsome.  Oddly proportioned such that it appeared even he felt uncomfortable in his own body.  Big smile with big teeth and an extremely wide jawline. The seat in first class was necessary for a man of his size. I asked if he was heading home or to Kansas City for work.  He told me he had an appointment there the next day and preferred flying in the night before to get proper rest. He went on to say that he was going for a book signing. 

“Who’s the author?” I asked.

“Me.”  

Not what I was expecting to hear. 

I asked him what he’d written and he said it was a self-help guide.  He left it at that.  We talked a bit more and before we landed he told me that I should pick up a copy of his book. 

“What’s the title?” I asked.

“Awaken the Giant Within,” he answered.

“I will.  I will pick up a copy next time I’m in a bookstore”.  

It was Tony Robbins – at the time widely unknown.  

As promised I picked up a copy of his book but only because I recognized the guy on the cover as I passed an airport newsstand.  The book written as both a guide and a workbook.  Chapters and then a real life exercise to try after.   The chapters were logical, sensible, sometimes a bit brazen, but I liked what I was reading.  

It was my eighth year of living in Salt Lake City, I disliked living there, and I was generally miserable.  I didn’t like the people around me, nothing felt good enough for me, and I was suspicions of everyone’s motives.  The book seemed to be addressing these issues and I started completing the exercises at the end of each chapter.   Then I got to one that I wasn’t sure I could do. 

The exercise was to go through your address book and erase everyone in it that was not having a positive impact on your life.  Tony’s motto was that one should not have negative people in their lives.  Hardly a novel idea, but I’d never really heard it put the way that he did. 

I paged through my address book, looking through each alphabetical list and making my way to the last page.  Of all the entries, there may have been two or three people that were a positive influence in my life.  I closed his book, then my address book and thought, ‘no – this is taking things too far’.  

Over the course of the day I pondered the idea further.  Everything Tony had said so far had made sense – I couldn’t deny it.  What harm could actually come from erasing people’s names and phone numbers?  I could always get them back if needed, but the stark reality was that he was right.  I’d been spending too much time with people who were either doing nothing for me or worse, dragging me down with them.  So I did it. 

When I completed the exercise I was left with an essentially empty address book and I remember thinking ‘I guess it’s better to have a life filled with nothing than a life filled with shit’ and I started over.

The short version of a very long journey was that I’d spent the last eight years attempting to please everyone and anyone.  I was afraid that if I didn’t do that people wouldn’t like me.  What this had turned into was self-imposed schizophrenia. That’s why I was miserable.  It wasn’t the people around me.  It was me. I had no idea who I was or what I wanted. I decided to put a stop to trying to please everyone and instead spend time determining who I was and what I wanted.  If those around me didn’t like it, then so be it. 

The next morning when I got up I decided to call one of my buddies who lived in Finland.  He’d been an exchange student at my high school and the following year I went over to spend the summer with he and his family.  It’d been ten years since we’d spoken.  

We talked for a bit – not long as international long distance was expensive.  At the end of the call he said I should come back for a visit.  

“I think I will,” I told him.  “Send me some dates that might work.”

From that day on things started changing for the better.